Eve of St Andrew Feast Day

We had Vespers today in St Andrew Cathedral (Glasgow City) to celebrate the eve of St Andrew Feast day, the patron saint of Scotland.

St Andrew was the brother of Simon Peter, a fisher of man, who cast his ropes and nets to follow Jesus. Sitting through the Vespers Service in church, I was thinking and really asking God what is it to be fisher of man.

Like, coming overseas to study, is parallel to how simon and andrew and the other 10 apostles gave up their lives and follow Christ. Coming overseas, I feel a sense of nakedness, giving up the routine and the comfort I have back home, giving up practically alost everything. Packing what I can in the 30kg luggage, in actual fact, I really couldn't bring anything. Its like death, when you die, you cannot bring anything. God doesn't give any baggage allowance, you can't bring a photo or notes from your love ones. They get left behind whether buried, or in ashes.

Its a deep sense of struggle, not that the ambience is not good. But perhaps, its been a long time since I have been home, and nothing is going to change. Like, I think daily satisfactions and daily encounter with new people (if there is) or familiar faces have been great, the scottish bagpipes, the walk down city center to cathedral for choir, the walk to st mungo for morning mass and blessed sacrament visits every wed, christian and catholic fellowship, all has been awesome. I think I have been blessed, and its been great. I guess, beyond all these "riches" and "gifts", I think nothing beats the presence of home and love ones, and knowing that everyone is under that safe haven.

Well, but i guess, the challenge of acknowledge this helplessness and poverty of spirit is inevitable when one is away from home. Putting myself in the shoes of Andrew, even though following Christ is the greatest Joy of life, he definitely struggle too. Like I have definitely drawn closer to God in this 3 months, but it has been a struggle. As humans, we definitely question and doubt when our faith is weak, Andrew and the disciples probably did too, but it was faith and the love of Christ that was constantly with them that pulled them through. Being here, I really do need the strength from Christ to see me through each day, from the morning I wake till the night when I sleep, as temptation and doubt and negatives are always near at hand to put me down.

Like, coming here is like a training ground, where I am stripped off my comfort, and the only thing I can really trust and the only thing that is familiar is Christ, is my religion. Nothing more, nothing less. But it is really when i am poor in spirit, where i see the wonders of God working in my life. It is really when I feel so helpless where I thank God for the unlimited skype credits that exist for me to call home. It is when I feel lonely and needing his love, that I thank God for the people he place in my life. It is when I see my flaws and feel so frustrated, that I thank God for I know He will walk me through it and help me find my balance and my identity and my disposition to deal with this world.

I am not perfect, coming here I truly acknowledge that I am not. Coming here, I see the soverign of God, and I am really under His mercy. Coming here, I am called to give up the life that I have been living, and called to follow a new life, a life that I hope and pray that will be centered on His love and His word (esp when the culture that we are in just preaches another story, it can be so frightening).

Well, life is so fragile, and life is so unpredictable, but I pray that we will have the courage and the grace like Andrew to follow Christ even though we dont know what lies ahead of us.

Amen